Finding the Funny

September 2, 2008

A shocking admission…

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , , — zeugmal @ 11:19 pm

I have a shocking admission to make.  After this, friends and family may choose to disown me.  I may be cast into the streets and my name forever erased from memory.

Well, here goes.

I don’t like anime.

It’s true.  I know it’s cool to like anime now, but I’m sorry, I just don’t get it.  For the longest time I had this vague idea that maybe I wasn’t watching the right anime.  That great anime show that was going to change my mind was just right around the corner, and I somehow kept picking the bad ones.

I’ll give you a brief list of the reasons my mind explodes on contact with anime:

1.) Female character voices that reach window shattering pitches.

2.) Musical scores that are stuck in a perpetual crescendo.

3.) Cherry blossoms.  (Just watch one.)

That said, I do like making fun of anime.  Some anime has that perfect blend of awkwardness that is one parts melodrama and one part bad translation.   An anime I recently watched had eloquent episode titles such as “Deep Feeling” and “Attack.”  Priceless.

Even though I enjoy making fun of anime, I may have to stop watching.  If you read my previous post, you know that I’m convinced Chris Hansen from To Catch a Predator is watching over everything we do and lurking behind every closed door.  What is the problem with anime, you may ask.  If you have to ask, then I may kindly inquire, have you ever watched anime?

Preteen looking girls with huge breasts are something of an anime theme.  Without disproportionate women that constantly shriek and cry, I’d say it’s not genuine anime.  You may have been duped.

Chris definitely would not approve.

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August 20, 2008

Back Alleys of the Internets

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , — zeugmal @ 4:11 am

Have you ever been meandering through the flowery fields of the internet, only to wander (somehow) into one of its dark alleys? Somewhere where you might see something like this?

(Fair Warning: This post is a little NSFW!)

This has always been one of the greatest mysteries of the internet for me. Do lonely, horny men, seeing this advertisement, actually sign up believing they’re going to “find a friend tonight” that looks like that? I’m sorry guys, but let’s use a little common sense. Attractive women get hit on all the time. Somehow I don’t think they’re going to be online anxiously awaiting farmerjoe01’s e-invite over to his bachelor pad.

Maybe I’m wrong.

I have to say that nothing freaks me out more than those weird “dress up” banners. I can handle the banners that beg you to “win the race” or “shoot the bad guys”, but these things make me feel like a pedophile even looking at them. I’d rather be caught watching porn than playing dress up with a banner ad, really. Do women play with these ads? I’m confused. I’m also too afraid to just click on it and see what happens, for fear that Chris Hansen from To Catch a Predator would step out of the shadows.

I think it’s safe to say when you start seeing ads for adult friend finder and zwinky’s, you’re engaged in one of the following:

A.) Watching porn.

B.) Looking for torrents.

C.) Reading this.

Remember everybody, Chris Hansen is watching.


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