Finding the Funny

August 20, 2008

Back Alleys of the Internets

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , — zeugmal @ 4:11 am

Have you ever been meandering through the flowery fields of the internet, only to wander (somehow) into one of its dark alleys? Somewhere where you might see something like this?

(Fair Warning: This post is a little NSFW!)

This has always been one of the greatest mysteries of the internet for me. Do lonely, horny men, seeing this advertisement, actually sign up believing they’re going to “find a friend tonight” that looks like that? I’m sorry guys, but let’s use a little common sense. Attractive women get hit on all the time. Somehow I don’t think they’re going to be online anxiously awaiting farmerjoe01’s e-invite over to his bachelor pad.

Maybe I’m wrong.

I have to say that nothing freaks me out more than those weird “dress up” banners. I can handle the banners that beg you to “win the race” or “shoot the bad guys”, but these things make me feel like a pedophile even looking at them. I’d rather be caught watching porn than playing dress up with a banner ad, really. Do women play with these ads? I’m confused. I’m also too afraid to just click on it and see what happens, for fear that Chris Hansen from To Catch a Predator would step out of the shadows.

I think it’s safe to say when you start seeing ads for adult friend finder and zwinky’s, you’re engaged in one of the following:

A.) Watching porn.

B.) Looking for torrents.

C.) Reading this.

Remember everybody, Chris Hansen is watching.


August 19, 2008

Let the chaos begin…

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , — zeugmal @ 12:07 am

Because this whole blog thing just looks like it needs a little help getting off the ground, I think I’ll throw my voice into the ring. What can you expect to find here? Hopefully things that will make you laugh or even think a little. If you were hoping for deep 2am soul searching sessions, you’re out of luck. I’ve always thought reading that kind of stuff was like watching paint dry.

No, I’ll be writing about things like the impending end of the world. You haven’t heard about it?

Russia: Poland risks attack due to U.S. missiles.

So, the U.S. basically says to Russia, “Hey, look over there!” and then tries to slip these Interceptor doo-dads into Russia’s backyard. Russia says, “WTF, mate?” when they stop beating the shit out of Georgia long enough to notice. Various semi-sober looking Russian generals with too many medals get on TV and imply that the world will end if Poland gets the missile.

In all seriousness, holy shit.

I thought worrying about the world spontaneously exploding was something only my parents had to have anxiety attacks about. In all fairness, for those that are bashing Russia on this, the U.S. would do the exact same thing if Castro was going to host a “defense shield” for Russia. I mean really, what would you do if something like this showed up in your backyard?

It looks like the Death Star. I’d be a little worried.

I’m waiting for the public service announcements and school drills to make a comeback. If you don’t have a 1950s style school desk to duck under, you may want to find one soon. Apparently that’s all that stands between you and nuclear annihilation.

All fear mongering aside (CNN and Fox have that base covered), I can just imagine Dr. Strangelove in an underground fortress somewhere cackling wildly.

Here’s to hoping whoever wins the election can get along with Mr. Putin. For that matter, I hope many presidents down the line will be able to get along with him, because I don’t see him going anywhere soon.

Anyway! That’s how this blog is going to be, so hopefully it wasn’t a bad read. If it was, stick around, maybe I’ll get funnier/smarter.

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